We have a dog. His name is Rex. Something we’ve noticed over the years is how he is happiest to be with the one who has been giving him the most attention.
No duh! He knows that I am the one who takes care of his needs most of the time, so I am in the alpha position and he is always loyal to me, but when I am too busy to be bothered with petting or playing with him, he doesn’t come running when I arrive home. He prefers the company of the one who gives him what he wants – not what he needs.
Maybe a good petting and a round of frisbee won’t do the trick, so think hard, what is it? What did you used to do for them that made them feel on top of the world? Was it affirmation?
*It’s amazing what a few kind, meaningful words do for a person!
*Maybe you used to surprise them with little gifts?
*How about a little act of service that you know they’d appreciate.
*Likely your relationship thrived on the giving of your undivided attention on a regular basis and don’t forget those loving gestures of affection.
If your spouse isn’t all that interested in creating an awesome marriage – try going it alone. Some things are contagious! And who knows, you may end up reaping what you sow before too long.
If it’s been a while since you’ve cared enough to invest yourself in your marriage, just take one a day and make it simple. For instance:
*Monday -tell them what it is about them that makes
you proud -make it short and sweet
*Tuesday -drop by their office with their favorite drink
*Wednesday fill up their car with gas
*Thursday -ask them about something they like to talk
about and REALLY listen
*Friday -oops this one doesn’t work once a week – non
sexual affection is a daily thing (see Saving
Relationships – Step #2 for more on this)
True words of affirmation, unexpected gifts that they like, acts of service (especially things they don’t enjoy doing), really being heard and affection with no expectation – these are things every person on the planet earth desires.
PLEASE, please please do not use the daily plan as a formula. Be creative, be intentional, be consistent and be persistent. Your dedication to the process, regardless of the initial response, is key to your success.
Step #4 – A Lesson From Rex: Give ‘em What They Want