Coaching for Wholly Living | Board Certified Life Coach | Relationship Coach

How Can You Grow In Confidence?

Confidence is said to be a choice. But what is real confidence?  

FALSE – “To have confidence, simply ‘speak the words”. (as though that is all you have to do). While speaking the words is essential, this concept falls short of promoting truth, if it is not followed by action. 

TRUE – Though most confident people are unaware of how they gained confidence, it is the same process for all, according to Dan Sullivan. He calls it “The 4 C’s Formula: 1. Commitment 2. Courage 3. Capability 4. Confidence”. To have sustainable confidence, he says, the process must constantly repeat. It is a life-giving circle but you must take the leap and jump into the process.

The first step of Sullivan’s formula is making a commitment. As you may know from personal experience, it is often the fear of making a commitment that keeps some from ever starting the process, yet they desperately want the result – confidence! No one wants to live in fear and insecurity. Are they doomed? NO!

The secret is to start where you are, or, bloom where you are planted.

You must choose courage and commit to a little more than you are currently able to do and courageously follow through with that commitment. In doing so, you will grow in your abilities and be capable of new things which will bring confidence. With increased confidence, it is becomes easier and easier to repeat the process. 

When the process is repeated time and time again confidence will crowd out fear and insecurity and your life will be forever changed! You will have new abilities and increased confidence! 

Let me make a distinction here. Being a self-assured or self-confident person is different than being confident about your ability to do something. However, repeating the process and gaining confidence in multiple abilities does help us become more self-assured and our self-confidence grows.

Confidence is not just a choice.You must step out in courage and commit to a little more than you are currently able to do and courageously follow through with that commitment in order to gain a new ability and have increased confidence. 

You can also use this formula when you want to treat someone differently.

Confidence is one antidote to depression. Please consider forwarding this article to a young adult that you care about.  

Friends etc. One of my favorite traditions has become our Christmas Eve Service. It is one of the most peaceful and reflective times of my year. I hope you will join us. 5pm- Rose Hill Middle School

Joy and Peace,

Growing can be painful!

I am listening to a book called The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg and he reminds us that we often don’t change habits until we are pained. The pain, or the problem, is our motivating factor. I don’t like that idea. I know it can be true, but I prefer to think that pure self- discipline and the desire to grow will motivate me to change my habits!

Regardless of what motivates us, he says that our brains form patterns and when we want to adjust those patterns, or change our habits, it isn’t as difficult as we often build it up to be. He says simply adjusting one thing can help us stick with a new habit we want to adopt. i.e.. If you want to exercise every morning, putting your workout clothes on, including your shoes, before doing anything else can break you out of a cycle that leads you to be sedentary in the morning. 

The book is great! He shares amazing stories and gives good instruction, but I had to laugh about the example above! I have been doing that for years and I’m embarrassed to think about how often it’s time for dinner and I’m still in my work out clothes! The luxury (or downfall) of working from home! I obviously need to break my pattern!  

One of the main reasons I became a coach was because I was sick and tired of being around so many people who were grumpy and negative.

As I was growing up, the lessons I heard at home and church, taught me that I was supposed to be “a light that shines brightly in this world!”. That sounded fun! I also learned that God’s Spirit would give me things like joy, love and peace, even in the midst of uncontrollable and undesirable circumstances. That all sounded great – I was in!  

But role models and like-minded peers were few and far between.

I noticed, even as a kid, that many church-goers could quote Jesus’ teachings verbatim, but it was quite evident, that their knowledge had little to no affect on their demeanor or behavior. That was sad, but it didn’t dampen my faith – it made me want to be light in the world, but especially in the church-world where people claimed these teachings!!

Being the human that I am, I’ve gone through periods of disappointment that left me discouraged and depressed. It is the Spirit who always turns me around! Yet, that turn is often preceded by people who’ve spoken words life into me. They help me remember who I am, my value and my purpose.

We are all broken, imperfect beings, who will at times, drift into dark thinking but we do not have to let darkness dominate us. I had a dark day this past week. I felt discouraged and a little angry, but, with the encouragement of my youngest son and husband, I took steps, out of my comfort zone, to address what had gotten me down and the darkness passed! 

When dark thoughts are dominating us, it takes effort, (and that effort can be uncomfortable) to move back into light. Like everything, the longer you’ve been there, the harder it is to move. Finding support is important, but ultimately it is up to us to make the choice and put in the effort. 

The great news is that when we continue to make good choices day after day, the easier it becomes to make those choices. As Charles Duhigg says in his book The Power of Habit, our brains are wired for patterns and we determine what those patterns are by what we do and think day after day. This is a gift from God!

Simply asking myself the question, “Suzette, what is dominating your thinking and behavior” helps my self-awareness and helps me stay grounded in the light.