Saving Relationships – Step #7 – Not Feeling Loved?

For years I felt like if my husband really loved me 
he would not leave his clothes and shoes 
all over the house. 
It made me want to scream!

Picture

I finally decided I would deal with the clothes because they were mostly left in our bedroom or bathroom…but not the shoes! No way – they landed everywhere! Sometimes I would trip on them which made me mad. This is embarrassingly immature but I often wished I would break my arm or something terrible so he would feel bad and learn his lesson! I can’t believe I just admitted that – haha
Picture

I have no idea what triggered the changed in me, but finally, I realized how ridiculous my thoughts were.  How could I be so silly? Why couldn’t I just accept his love the way he showed love? Why did I set up this rule for myself……  
“I refuse to feel loved if you don’t put your shoes away.”   This may seem trivial, but I want you to know, my rule could have easily ruined us because you know what? Those thoughts led to a zillion other negative thoughts.I did my best….Early on I valiantly tried to teach him that every thing had a home.  Even in my irritation, he would make me laugh by telling me his shoes loved vacationing!  Amazing how humor takes the edge off our emotions. I just thank God I let go of that deadly rule – or I would have been choosing to be miserably unhappy to this day! He’s tons better now, but his shoes still go on vacation quite frequently.

Instead I now try to smile when I pick up his shoes and remember – I can let my rule ruin us or I can choose to accept him, and his love as he is able to give it.To my benefit, as I’ve accepted his gestures of love and chosen to cherish how he was trying, he has chosen to learn my love languages.

I can’t say I don’t ever feel irritated or let it put me in a bad mood – it still happens now and then but the rule has died. I don’t equate good housekeeping skills with love.

The bigger picture is – I try not to judge his heart through the lens of my expectations.

So you name it…… what’s your beef? What rule have you set up that’s detrimental to your relationship?  Are you willing to let go of the rule for the sake of your relationship?

Step #7 – Stop equating rules with love.

Picture

 
This quote is from
John Wesely, 
not Jesus! 
Bummer!