After 6 months of Tim & Tina were beginning to have trouble knowing what else they wanted to change. We began a session by recounting the work they had done so far. Their marriage was all but over when we began, but with work, these things had changed:
- Mutual respect when communicating – being as polite with each other as with a friend
- Communicating in general – recognizing old patterns quickly and stopping them, keeping the dust devils from turning into tornadoes
- Forgiveness for wounds from the past
- The ability to shift the focus from negative to positive
- Non sexual affection
- Verbalizing admiration and appreciation
- Reviving Intimacy
- Recognizing triggers and being respectful
- Allowing the other to have their own emotions without taking them on personally
- Planning ahead for stressful situations
- Parenting
- The desire to have a legacy of a good marriage
- Keeping God’s truths at the center of the relationship
After talking about how far they’d come, Tim confessed, “I have some forgiving to do as well. It’s frustrating that Tina has lost faith in my words but I know I caused a lot of pain in our relationship which caused her to act in certain ways. I have to forgive you Tina for holding onto that pain too long and I have to forgive me – that’s even harder. I want this marriage more than anything else in life but it’s caused more pain than anything. I want nothing more than to give. I’ve felt convicted of my own part in this and I realize it takes action and it takes time. Maybe most importantly, it takes consistency on my part. That’s what I want to be about.”
It was nice for Tina to be able to be the support person. She was ecstatic to see his determination and commitment to be faithful to the work of creating a great marriage. They were both aware that the work would never end, but it was getting much easier. It was a work they were beginning to enjoy. It seemed so good! Tina certainly wasn’t prepared for the big let down that was about to drop.